About

For the past fifteen years I’ve been trying to help my son overcome his addiction to heroin. Never in a million years did I think it would go on this long, or come to the point where I was losing hope. But I don’t have much hope left. I’m hanging on as best I can, but by a tiny thread. I don’t know what will happen when I let go. Will it get better? Will it get worse? Will I fall with him?

This blog was created to help me process what I’m going through and to connect with others who have had similar walks on the wild side of addiction, trying to help those they love.

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27 thoughts on “About

  1. I supported my brother in his battle with alcohol. Unfortunately, I had to let go in the end. He did eventually die almost 8 years ago but I just hope and pray he knew how much I loved him and how hard I did try.
    Thinking of you in your journey.
    X

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  2. Your words will help many. It is a terrible, horrible disease. It is a family disease because everyone suffers, not just the addict. You are not alone. Addiction is everywhere. Thank you for your blog and brave honesty.

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  3. Thank you. Thank you for having the courage to say what you mean and mean what you say. Thank you for having the courage to openly write the daily battles that are going on inside your head, your home, and your life as you deal with this disease. I pray that you are getting help and going to Al-Anon meetings (yes, you can go to Al-Anon…..a drug is a drug, regardless of the source of the ingestion).

    We are lucky. Our son, now 25, is an addict in recovery now 5 years. His drug of choice was prescription drugs. In a 12 month period when he was 19 (after a year of heavy using and all kinds of hell that he kept hidden from us) he was arrested 4 times (with some serious charges that only a very expensive lawyer was able to keep him out of jail), overdosed twice (the second time almost killing him, and it shut down his kidney for a few days) and finally agreeing to go into long-term rehab (5 months, out of pocket, you can imagine the cost). Since coming out of rehab in November 2009 he has been living in an Oxford House (sober living) and after 9 months of job searching (hard with a felony) finally got a job pumping gas, having to take a bus to work because we wouldn’t give him a car. He is now sober 5 years, has his own car (which we did buy but he owns and pays the insurance), and is totally self-sufficient. Last week he received his 5 year coin and the first people he thanked were my wife and I, because as he said, without us being tough and turning out backs on him he would not be sober today.

    I could go on, but you know the story. They are all the same.

    We are not alone, and your blog affirms that.

    I know I am rambling, I do not mean to. This is a very emotional subject for me.

    My wife and I are very involved in the NJ Al-Anon program. I speak at rehabs throughout the state a few times a year, and our phone rings once a week from people that call us asking for help. We give back, just like others gave to us.

    Best of luck with your journey. Not sure what part of the country you are in, but if you are in the NJ area and need some help, let us know.

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    • I am so happy to hear about your son’s success. Every one who is saved is a blessing for us all, and hope for those still struggling. I’m in California, but appreciate your offer. I do need to find an Al-Anon nearby. I know it would help. Thank you so much for reading this and sharing you story and encouragement. Only a parent who has been through this can really understand. Sadly, we are many.

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  4. Dear Mother,

    Found your blog yesterday. Oh my heart… it was the hopefulness, the willingness to be hopeful like new grass, that just wrung the tears out of me and is wringing them now. I am so so sorry for what you are going through. And so much in awe of that part of the human spirit that says Well, any minute now it can all turn around. Because it can.

    I too hope that you find an excellent Al-Anon meeting close to home. And an Al-Anon phone with somebody answering who will tell you “Yes, I went through all that too.” It’s a program that can’t change the weather, but it can put some extra paving stones underneath your feet and some ballast at your back, no matter what the wind is doing.

    There are people with good recovery in your area who are waiting to hear from you, who in fact LIVE to hear from you, because in recovery fellowship is what keeps us alive.

    Will be checking in on this blog, to see how you are doing.

    Please keep writing.

    Blessings, Mary

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  5. I lost my mom to years of alcohol abuse. I loved her so much, and it tore me up to see the vivacious woman I knew turn inward and despairing. I can’t even imagine how you feel waking up each morning to face your son’s addiction. May God give you the strength and wisdom you need to cope, and may He free your son from his addiction. Thank you for sharing your heart in, dare I say, such a beautiful, poetic manner. It touches me deeply.

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  6. You are so brave and courageous to share your story. Your personal posts of experiences and stories about your son are the ones that will help other people the most and hopefully give you the most therapy too. In one of your posts you perfectly described the bahavior of the addict that I love. You formulated well thought out sentences to emulate your feelings and thoughts while Im still stuck in a shadowy fog and dont really know how i feel or think about my situation. You helped me get a better grasp on it. Thank you. Please keep it up. Your last few posts are amazing and will help lots of people in more ways than you realize. Just knowing we’re not alone is a huge relief.

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      • I’d like to invite you to participate in the Writing Process Blog Tour. Each blogger who participates chooses three other bloggers to tag and include – and I’d like to include you because I think your blog is amazing and you are raising awareness about a topic near and dear to me. Email me (or give me your email address) so I can send you the info! Mine is rk21187@hotmail.com.

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  7. Thank you for this. My mother was my best friend and stood beside me through all my addictions. All the time while she was an alcoholic. The last time I saw my mother was almost 7 years ago through the glass of a prison visit. She passed away from alcoholism. I’ve been sober for almost 6 years now and wish I had the opportunity to tell her how much her, just being there, meant to me. You are a very good women and mother. The emotional hardships you have to go through with a child’s addiction isn’t something I don’t wish on any mother. Heroine is a monster, as are most heavy drugs. I hope that your efforts with your son pay off and you get the chance to hear him tell you thank you someday. Or get the best thank you of all and get to see you son be sober and turn his life around.

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    • What you’ve said here means the world to me, as I am sure it would to your own mother if she was here. Sometimes I think there is but one Mother and all mothers are one in Her. If that is so then your mother is reading your words and feeling so very blessed in her love for you. Thank you for writing and sharing your story. Every story of survival and recovery gives me hope my son too shall be sharing a similar story someday. Bless you.

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  8. How courageous of you to share your story. What a blessing it will be to many others who are traveling the same road. I, too, know the roller coaster emotions of loving a child addicted to drugs. Sadly, our journey through hell ended with an overdose. Loving an addict changes you forever. In so many ways.

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  9. Pingback: Featured Friday — A Walk on the Wild Side | Nonsense & Shenanigans

  10. I assume that you moderate your comments before approving..if not, oh well 🙂 I have been kicking around the idea of an Anthology of Essays written by parents parenting addicts. I was wondering if you would have any interest in participating? It’s just a thought in my head right now, but it seems to poke at me frequently. I have some ideas for anonymity etc. It’s really hard to find people who write, who will write about something so intimate and painful, and will do it in a place where others can find it… Let me know what you think
    Kassie aka “Mom”

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